For your kids and family, divorce is hard to endure. For yourself, it’s a monumental decision that, for better or worse, will change your family dynamic and in some cases, many relationships and quality of life for years to come.
Whether or not you get divorced, you need to be prepared. As much as physical preparation is important, mental preparation is just as valuable.
So, what questions should you be asking yourself?
- Do you still have feelings for your significant other? If the answer is a firm no, the decision may be simple. If there is any wavering, it could be due to a lack of intimacy, closeness or communication issue. This question may be the one you fight with the most and ultimately the most important to your mental preparation.
- Are you just threatening the divorce, or are you truly ready? Divorce can be threatened for a variety of reasons, including anger and frustration, to gain power and control or to finally release your true feelings to your partner that the marriage is in trouble. With divorce being a choice with many consequences, it must be thoroughly contemplated, and at the end, an unemotional decision based on fact and reason.
- What is your most earnest reason in wanting a divorce? If you think the action of threatening a divorce will change your partner, it won’t. If you really want freedom and the ability to find a partner that’s right for you, going through with the divorce is your clear option.
- Are you ready to handle the bad parts of post-divorce life? Though you will have your freedom and life after divorce can become great over time, there are many sour consequences post-divorce. Are you ready to handle them? You’ll likely be facing internal struggles dealing with emotions like hurt, disappointment, loneliness, rejection or inadequacy while working to move on and build a healthy future for yourself. Other consequences you may face are:
- Facing and helping manage the pain of others. This could be your kids, family members or friends.
- Financial issues
- Being left out of your ex-partners family functions and traditions
- The insecurity, fear and unknown of being in the single world after being part of a couple dynamic for so many years.
- Other emotional and/or spiritual adversity
Life after divorce can be bright, inviting and full of opportunity, but no matter how long and sure you are of divorce, if you do go through with it, there will be positive and negative consequences to contend with. Reflect on all your options and avenues when considering this life-changing decision.